This Clip is Hilarious

Cow Tracking

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the U.S. government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and determine exactly what that cow ate. They can also track her calves right to their stalls, and tell you what kind of feed they ate.

But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around in their country, including people that might try to blow up or otherwise seriously damage important structures, (and people), in the U.S.

My solution is to give every illegal alien a cow as soon as they enter the country.

A Story You Should Never Forget

This was received as an e-mail, no author, no source, but Please Read

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to the supermarket to buy the gifts I didn't manage to buy earlier. When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself: 'It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other places to go...' Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year. How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it was over.

I started to curse the prices, wondering if kids really play with such expensive toys. While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad. I wondered who this doll was for. Then the little boy turned to the older woman next to him: 'Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?' The lady replied: 'You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.' Then she asked him to stay here for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.

The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I started to walk towards him and asked who he wanted to give this doll to. 'It is the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her, after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can not bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mother so that she can give it to her when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this. 'My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mummy will also go to see God very soon, so I thought that she could bring the doll with her to give it to my sister'. My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: 'I told daddy to tell mummy not to go yet. I asked him to wait until I come back from the supermarket' Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me: 'I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me.' 'I love my mummy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister'

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few bills and said to the boy. What if we checked again, just in case if you have enough money?' 'Ok' he said. 'I hope that I have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll, and even some spare money. The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money'. Then he looked at me and added: 'I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose.' 'You know, my mummy loves white roses". A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my trolley. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started.

I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk driver in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy in mind, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away. I couldn't stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wish before burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken this away from him.

PLEASE DON'T DRINK & DRIVE!

And another e-mail gives you this Poem

A Dads Poem 

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

 But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats

One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't there.

"Where's her daddy at?" she heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one," another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

 The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom.
She looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

"My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy and how he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories; he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him I'm not standing here alone.

"’cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll be forever in my heart"
With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
She felt her own heartbeat beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years?
She stood up for the love of a man no longer in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here but heaven's just too far

You see he was a policeman and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.

And to her mother’s amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.

"I know you're with me Daddy," to the silence she called out.
And what happened next, made believers of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star, given the gift of believing that heaven is never too far.

NEVER DRINK AND DRIVE!!!

I went to a party, and Mom I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, so I drank soda instead.
I really felt proud inside, the way you said I would.
Mom, I didn't drink and drive, even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending,

Mom, everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car I knew I'd get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me, so responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, but as I pulled out into the road,
the other car didn't see me, and hit me like a load.

Mom, as I lay there on the pavement I hear the policeman say
the other guy is drunk, and now I'm the one who will pay.
Mom, I'm lying here dying, ...I wish you'd get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom? My life just burst like a balloon.

Mom, there are people all around me, and they are really crying.
I hear the medic say, I'll die in a short time.
Mom, I just wanted to tell you, I swear I didn't drink.
It was the others, Mom. The others didn't think.

He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank and I will die.
Mom, why do people drink? It can ruin your whole life.
I'm feeling sharp pains now. Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, and I don't think it's fair.
I'm lying here dying and all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, tell Daddy to be brave.
And Mom, when I go to heaven, put "Daddy's Baby" on my grave.

Someone should have told him not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him I would still be alive.
Mom, my breath is getting shorter, I'm becoming very scared.
Please don't cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom,
before I say good bye,
"I didn't drink and drive, so why am I the one to die?"

This is the end Mom,
I wish I could look you in the eye
To say these final words

"I LOVE YOU AND...GOODBYE"

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be... Here are some facts about the 1500s:

1. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
   

2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children-last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it-hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."
   

3. Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw, piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice rats, and bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof-hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
   

4. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
   

5. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway-hence, a "thresh hold."
   

6. They cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while--hence the rhyme, "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
   

7. Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man "could bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."
   

8. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
   

9. Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale pays and bread which was so old and hard that they could use them for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy moldy trenchers, one would get "trench mouth."
   

10.  Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
    

11. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait to see if they would wake up-hence the custom of holding a "wake."
    

12. England is old and small and they started out running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth... and whoever said that History was boring?

He who knows not and knows he knows not, is simple; Teach him.
 He who knows not and knows not he knows not, is a fool; Avoid him.
He who knows and knows not he knows is asleep; Wake him.
He who knows and knows he knows is wise; Follow him.

Remember When:

Close your eyes...And go back...
Before the Internet or the MAC,
Before semiautomatics and crack
Before chronic and indo
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo

Way back...

I'm talking about hide and go seek at dusk.
Sittin' on the porch, Hot bread and butter.
Eatin' a super-dooper sandwich,
Playing Red light, Green light.
Chocolate milk, Lunch tickets,
Penny candy in a brown paper bag.
Hopscotch, butterscotch, double-dutch, Jacks, kickball, dodge-ball...
Mother, May I?
Hula Hoops and Sunflower Seeds, Jaw breakers, blow-pops, Mary-Janes,
Running through the sprinkler
and the smell of the sun and lickin' salty lips....

Near to the door he paused to stand, as he took his class ring off her hand
all who were watching did not speak, as a silent tear ran down his cheek

and through his mind, the memories ran
of the moments they walked and ran hand in hand in the sand,
but now her eyes were so terribly cold
for he would never again have her to hold.

They watched in silence as he bent near
and whispered the words, ...."I LOVE YOU", in her ear
He touched her face and started to cry,
as he put on his ring, he wanted to die